Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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