Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
