the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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