god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
