ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
