Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
