I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
