my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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