nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
