If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
