Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
