he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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