508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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