I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
