doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
