if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
