You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
