what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
