He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
