I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
