It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
