I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
