People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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