just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
