And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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