Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
