you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You made out with two different species that night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
