Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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