Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
