the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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