1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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