I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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