So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
