3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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