Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
