If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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