Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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