someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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