you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
