The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
