Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
