try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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