Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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