and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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