your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
