he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
