I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize