Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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