Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
