You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
