Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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