So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
