I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize