either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
