So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize