I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
