i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
