Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I touched a dick in church today
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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