now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't notice because vodka
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
