he wants to bone in the snuggie
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
