Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
