i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
