He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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