Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize