as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
