go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
