Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
