He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
