He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
