so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
