get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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