help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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