Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize