Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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