is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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