can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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