apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
