He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
