I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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